Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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