I am puke
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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