when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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