I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
