I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
