So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
