I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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