He is an equal opportunity slut.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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