If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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