trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
