btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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