well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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