My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
