Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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