Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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