...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He better not be in your backpack
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
