I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
