i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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