We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
