dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
