im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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