based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
