Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
