Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
