I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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