You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
