I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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