dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
