my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
