I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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