I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
3pm strippers are depressing
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
