Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
