I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
