that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I love you. Go after that dick
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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