just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
