If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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