you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
