what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
