it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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