the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
