i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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