I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
