i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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