sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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