She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Randomize
