this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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