Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
