If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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