Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
