I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
