I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
