Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
