omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
