I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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