umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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